CN III palsy — Pupil is EVERYTHING.
Blown pupil (fixed, dilated) → compressive = aneurysm, uncal herniation. Pupil-sparing → microvascular = diabetes, HTN. The pupil is how you tell life-threatening from benign.
UMN vs LMN VII — Forehead is EVERYTHING.
Forehead spared (still raises brow) → UMN, contralateral cortical stroke. Forehead involved (can't raise brow, can't close eye) → LMN, ipsilateral (Bell's palsy, CPA tumor, parotid).
Uvula vs Tongue deviation — they go opposite directions.
Uvula → AWAY from lesion (toward intact CN X). Tongue → TOWARD lesion (weak genioglossus can't push it away, falls ipsilaterally).
CN VI palsy + no mass = elevated ICP.
Longest intracranial course → most vulnerable to stretch. Bilateral CN VI palsy is basically a reflex finding of papilledema/pseudotumor until proven otherwise.
Internuclear ophthalmoplegia (INO).
MLF lesion = ipsilateral adduction failure + contralateral abduction nystagmus. Bilateral INO in young woman = MS. Unilateral INO in elderly = brainstem stroke.
🔑 Mnemonic for sensory vs motor: "Some Say Marry Money But My Brother Says Bad Business Marry Money" — S M S M B M B S S B M M → CN I through XII alternating S (sensory), M (motor), or B (both).